Yesterday it was brought to my attention that I somehow had forgotten one of the most auspicious English traditions that still exists today. Because of this unnamed person *coughDawncough* I will now elaborate on the humble and noble art of the Sport Club Social.
This is a great time throughout the land of England, in particular Ormskirk, where the modern day knights of the realm celebrate or commiserate the days events. What I'm essentially trying to express to the "yanks" is that this is a really big deal. The attitude is something like this:
"We won! We are the top of the league! Let's celebrate by getting our money back on those Styles cards! Excuse me, barmaid, may I have two pints of cider and black?"
OR
"We played like a bunch of four year old school girls. We stink so much not even our mothers would cheer us on. I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I'm going to try to forget how crap we are. Where is the bar-girl? Get me two pints of cider and black...and a double shot. Of what? Just anything."
Another aspect of the sports club social that is especially interesting is that more often than not there is a "fancy dress" theme. This means that on any given Wednesday you will see a mass of students dressed to the nines in the most various array of costumes.
Some examples include, but are not limited to:
Fairies
Gangsters (think Brando as opposed to Diddy)
Cowboys and Indians
Cops and Robbers
Army
Top Gun
Babies and OAPs (Old Age Pensioners)
School Girls
Baywatch
Geeks and Nerds
*Pub Golf - Every club will most likely do this at least once a semester. It is quite possibly the most epic and hilarious night ever.
Not to forget as well the ever famous Halloween and Christmas themes.
Once you have all your team members (and the occasional team member's friend or significant other) the social is ready to begin. The point of the social. if you haven't noticed yet, is to get as drunk as possible in as short a time as you can. This means that there will be drinking games.
Some of the most popular are:
Ring of Fire - this is the English version of the American game Kings
Dirty pint - An empty pint glass is passed around and every person pours a bit of their drink in the glass. A coin is flipped and if you guess wrong then you have to down the contents of the pint glass.
Save the Queen - Very simple and is hardly called a game. A penny or two pence piece is dropped into by some person into your cup. If it is you have to down your drink to "save the Queen" from "drowning". This is more fun to do to other people, and annoying/can get dangerous when it is done to you.
*Pub Golf - Now why is this here twice? Because it's awesome. The point of the night is to go to 9 (or in extremely rare and epic cases 18) different pubs and bars. At everyone you have to drink a certain drink in a certain number of goes, i.e. downing a pint in two goes at one pub and a spirit and mixer in one go at the next one. Whatever that might be it's par for the pub and you mark down your score just like in golf. Also this is usually done in teams of two where the teammates are tied to each other by the arm. A lottery is held and most times the teams are co-ed. This means that if one of you has to visit the little girls' or little boys' room your partner has to tag along. Literally. Some sports clubs enforce this strictly, but if you have a beneficent captain teammates are allowed to slip off the tether to use the toilet. But, there are only one of two pubs on the list called "water holes" where one is even allowed to use the toilet. Needless to say this gets everyone beyond inebriated, and that is why it is one of the most epic nights ever.
Often times as well there will be one person who will be the butt of all the jokes of the night and will probably be the drunkest by the end of it. No, it is not the captain(s), it is usually a person that did something stupid throughout the time of the previous social and the present one. This is called getting "dicked on" and it usually is accompanied by some form of humiliation, or clothing, or humiliation in the form of clothing that sets this person apart from the rest of the team. An example: Badminton has a lovely fisherman's hat which is adorned with shuttlecocks. Guess what they call the person who has to wear this? Here's a hint. **** of the week.
After all the games and all the costumes and the taxis and walking in the bitter cold, like a great exodus, all the students leave the pubs, bars, and clubs to come back to University where they congregate in the Students' Union club to dance the night away. Looking on this scene is like looking through a portal to Imagination Land, all the creatures and characters of a child's dreams and nightmares coming together to express their love of youth, life, and sports.
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