"Bring the noise!"

This past weekend I was delighted to go on a trip across country to the lovely county of Somerset. Five of us girls packed ourselves onto no less than four trains to get there. On the last train we literally sat in the baggage compartment because there wasn't any room for us. How is that for student travel?

Some facts I've gathered about this place called Somerset:
-There is absolutely nothing like a home cooked meal. Whether it be a real English breakfast or a fantastic lamb roast, there is nothing as lovely and comforting as a meal cooked in a real English home when all you've been living on for the past two months is soggy chips and the occasional sandwich.
-This county hosts some of the most picturesque views in England. Rolling hills and farm pastures and many sheep. When driving through the countryside and the small towns and villages this is what a person pictures when they think of England.
-Hot Fuzz was filmed here. Do not be confused by the fact that it is supposed to be set in Gloucestershire, it's definitely Somerset. While we didn't get to visit the little town of Wells, the birthplace of director Edgar Wright himself, just being there was something like a mini-pilgrimage. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost were here! I just got chills again.
-That country accent? It's real.
-Thatched houses are cool. Literally. They are cute but apparently extremely cold.
-London fog has nothing on the kind of fog some country lanes can get in the middle of the night.
-Have I mentioned the roast dinners?

Stonehenge:
Normally I wouldn't accuse the English of sucking the magic and fun out of anything, that's a job for the French, but unfortunately they succeeded with flying colors to drain all the magic and mystery of the site that is Stonehenge. Firstly, I love Stonehenge. I've been wanting to go there since I was old enough to read the word, but getting there and having to pay £5.90 to walk around a rope meters away sucks all the fun out of it. The only people who can get near it are the people who work there and the Druids on the solstices, and if I wanted to see a whole bunch of people dressed as Dumbledore I'd go to a midnight showing of Harry Potter. Unfortunately, because they built a visitor center and roped off the site, essentially ruining my childhood dreams, they managed to make it nothing more than "a bunch of stones."

Bath:
This city is exceptionally beautiful. An old Roman town where you can see the actual, old, Roman buildings and baths that gave this city its name. Pretty much everything about this city is beautiful. The architecture, the cute little shops, the way they displayed the river, the little hills that make up and surround the city... But don't get me wrong. This place is touristic and as every traveler knows, touristic places are made to look as appealing as possible. So really you won't see a city untouched by the hand of consumerism, but you will find a city that has managed to balance it quite well.

An English Tradition

Yesterday it was brought to my attention that I somehow had forgotten one of the most auspicious English traditions that still exists today. Because of this unnamed person *coughDawncough* I will now elaborate on the humble and noble art of the Sport Club Social.
This is a great time throughout the land of England, in particular Ormskirk, where the modern day knights of the realm celebrate or commiserate the days events. What I'm essentially trying to express to the "yanks" is that this is a really big deal. The attitude is something like this:

"We won! We are the top of the league! Let's celebrate by getting our money back on those Styles cards! Excuse me, barmaid, may I have two pints of cider and black?"
OR
"We played like a bunch of four year old school girls. We stink so much not even our mothers would cheer us on. I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I'm going to try to forget how crap we are. Where is the bar-girl? Get me two pints of cider and black...and a double shot. Of what? Just anything."

Another aspect of the sports club social that is especially interesting is that more often than not there is a "fancy dress" theme. This means that on any given Wednesday you will see a mass of students dressed to the nines in the most various array of costumes.
Some examples include, but are not limited to:
Fairies
Gangsters (think Brando as opposed to Diddy)
Cowboys and Indians
Cops and Robbers
Army
Top Gun
Babies and OAPs (Old Age Pensioners)
School Girls
Baywatch
Geeks and Nerds
*Pub Golf - Every club will most likely do this at least once a semester. It is quite possibly the most epic and hilarious night ever.
Not to forget as well the ever famous Halloween and Christmas themes.

Once you have all your team members (and the occasional team member's friend or significant other) the social is ready to begin. The point of the social. if you haven't noticed yet, is to get as drunk as possible in as short a time as you can. This means that there will be drinking games.
Some of the most popular are:
Ring of Fire - this is the English version of the American game Kings
Dirty pint - An empty pint glass is passed around and every person pours a bit of their drink in the glass. A coin is flipped and if you guess wrong then you have to down the contents of the pint glass.
Save the Queen - Very simple and is hardly called a game. A penny or two pence piece is dropped into by some person into your cup. If it is you have to down your drink to "save the Queen" from "drowning". This is more fun to do to other people, and annoying/can get dangerous when it is done to you.
*Pub Golf - Now why is this here twice? Because it's awesome. The point of the night is to go to 9 (or in extremely rare and epic cases 18) different pubs and bars. At everyone you have to drink a certain drink in a certain number of goes, i.e. downing a pint in two goes at one pub and a spirit and mixer in one go at the next one. Whatever that might be it's par for the pub and you mark down your score just like in golf. Also this is usually done in teams of two where the teammates are tied to each other by the arm. A lottery is held and most times the teams are co-ed. This means that if one of you has to visit the little girls' or little boys' room your partner has to tag along. Literally. Some sports clubs enforce this strictly, but if you have a beneficent captain teammates are allowed to slip off the tether to use the toilet. But, there are only one of two pubs on the list called "water holes" where one is even allowed to use the toilet. Needless to say this gets everyone beyond inebriated, and that is why it is one of the most epic nights ever.

Often times as well there will be one person who will be the butt of all the jokes of the night and will probably be the drunkest by the end of it. No, it is not the captain(s), it is usually a person that did something stupid throughout the time of the previous social and the present one. This is called getting "dicked on" and it usually is accompanied by some form of humiliation, or clothing, or humiliation in the form of clothing that sets this person apart from the rest of the team. An example: Badminton has a lovely fisherman's hat which is adorned with shuttlecocks. Guess what they call the person who has to wear this? Here's a hint. **** of the week.

After all the games and all the costumes and the taxis and walking in the bitter cold, like a great exodus, all the students leave the pubs, bars, and clubs to come back to University where they congregate in the Students' Union club to dance the night away. Looking on this scene is like looking through a portal to Imagination Land, all the creatures and characters of a child's dreams and nightmares coming together to express their love of youth, life, and sports.

'...and I live by the river.'

London: what to say about it that hasn't already been said? So here is another list.

A list of London-ish things and realizations.

• There is an exit off the Underground which takes you straight to Big Ben, and believe me, there is a reason it's called 'Big'. (I'm sure there is also a reason it's called 'Ben', but I don't know it.) I stood there, like a complete twit, staring up at one of the world's biggest national icons not believing how close one could actually get to it. I teared up, no joke. (Also I am aware that the bell is called 'Big Ben', not the clock tower.)
• The language least spoken in London: English.
• It's a bit hard to find a palace guard that one can take a picture with. Remember Eurotrip? Well there is a reason it's called Hollywook magic because it is actually fairly hard to find a palace guard that wears a bearskin. If one is to find him he is usually inside the palace gates, and unless your name has a title attached to it you can't really get in there. If you were to find the two in the whole of the city that aren't inside the gates, they will be surrounded by a mass of other people. Good luck getting close enough for an intimate picture while 60 other people are pushing their children at armed guards.
• Out of all the McDonalds in all of London my friend and I happened to be in one at the same time as three other people visiting London from Ormskirk.
• No one cares if you are American. Unlike in the North West, where people are always commenting on your 'lovely American accent', the people in London can't be bothered to care.
• It is ridiculously expensive. A cocktail in Ormskirk: max £4.50, and that, to be fair, is pricey. A cocktail in London: £7.25, and this is a fairly basic cocktail, like a double vodka and RedBull
• There is a reason they call it a 'hole in the wall'. Restaurants like this in cities are not like the 'hole in the wall' you will find in a small town. It is not an old pub which has stood the test of time and secretly serves the best steak and ale pie known to mankind; it is a shady chinese buffet which gives new definition to the term 'mystery meat'.
• London is so crowded with anxiously hurrying people that there will be a time in your stay there where you will break down to your lowest low and want to physically hit an elderly person for throwing you off a bus.

The All-mighty Spud

British people love their potatoes. Mash, hash browns, jacket potatoes, chips, fries, crisps, for every single meal or every single snack, practically every single day there are potatoes and more potatoes. I thought Americans were bad but this is almost a religion. If it weren't for the historical evidence I would say that the great potato famine was caused by the English stealing all the Irish potatoes. Needless to say it's been nigh on miraculous I have made it this long in England without having the all-mighty spud à la cheese and beans.
When I first saw people gorging on jacket potatoes smothered with redish beans and white cheese I sat aghast thinking "My God! What are you doing to that baked potato?" Only, this isn't a baked potato. It's a jacket potato, and as I sat there for the first time looking at it with its brown waistcoat all smothered in a pool of beans it called to me. "Eat me," it said. And as I took the first bite I asked myself, "why hadn't I tried this earlier? Why had I wasted my time with warm paninis who could only wish to be all that this mere potato was?" It was fluffy and the cheese was gooey and sharp and tangy and the beans were runny and tomatoey, and I inhaled that potato as if it were my first and last. I loved that potato so much I essentially power-walked to the library so that I could write my experience down. A new world has opened up to me: little jackets dancing about with not only cheese and beans, but tuna and mayo, and chicken and mayo, and any other thing the English could possibly put on the white fluffy little bastards.

An English to English Dictionary

Here is an ever growing English to English dictionary for all you American kids out there eager to fit in with the cool British ones.

alrite? = WARNING: this does not mean "are you alright" as in "how are the conditions of your state of affairs? Are you feeling/doing okay?" English equivalent to American "Sup?" Do not answer with "Yes, I am fine," you will look stupid.

arse = Ass, as in buttocks, not donkey.

candy floss = Cotton candy.

chav = Stands for council house and violent. American equivalent is "white trash" or at times, "tool". This term is fairly offensive and should not be thrown around like rice at a wedding. If someone calls you a chav resist the immediate urge to hit them as this will prove their insult. Instead laugh at the fact that they are probably too drunk to walk home and thus will have to waste precious money on a taxi.

cheeky = This word has slightly different meanings depending on the situation and circumstances. It can mean naughty in playful manner, or at times even rude or obnoxious. "Cheeky" can also modify nouns, as in "I bought a cheeky loaf from the bakery" which translates as "I bought the last loaf in the bakery just because it was there and I felt like it." Other examples:
"Where is Alex?"
"Oh, he is out having a cheeky fag." Which translated is: "He is out smoking when he should be quiting, the cheeky bastard."

cheers = Thanks.

chips = British equivalent to the American french fries. Often eaten with gravy, or cheese, or for the connoisseur, cheese and beans.

crisp = Potato chip.

fag = A cigarette.

fit = This does not relate to the athletic fitness of a person, it means "hot."

jacket potato = A baked potato. Seemingly used because potato appears to be wearing a jacket. Can be served with beans and cheese or various other toppings of goodness.

kip = A nap or a good sleep.

pants = WARNING: not to be confused with American equivalent. This means underwear. Do not go around saying "Nice pants" or "I'm not wearing pants, I'm wearing a skirt" unless you wish to be slapped or "pulled". Whichever comes first.

piss = This word is used often and in various different circumstances. To "take the piss" can mean to go too far or to make fun of something. See pissed and pisstake.

pissed = Royally drunk.

pisstake = Something that is so pathetic that it is a complete joke or something annoying.

to pull; As in "pull a girl/boy", "I/he/she/ pulled last night" = One of the most difficult to translate. "Pulling a girl/boy" means essentially hooking up.

slag = Unpleasant term for a girl/woman of loose morals. At times used affectionately between friends.

ta = Thank you very much. See cheers.

waffle on = To go on and on and on about something.

well = Word used in front of adjectives to emphasize meaning. Ex. "She was well fit." "It was well good." "You are well ugly."

Through the Looking Glass

When one thinks of studying abroad the ultimate question is "Where to go?" Most people would think that because I chose to study in England I'm copping-out, but even when I feel like England isn't very different than the States I almost always eat my words.

The differences are quite literally like day and night. During freshers' week in England the days of filled with bureaucracy and the nights filled with borderline hedonism. There are events every night from fancy dress parties, pub crawls, and in the case here at Edge Hill even a mass takeover of a three story club in Liverpool. I might as well dye my hair blonde and put on my blue frock, because I have officially stepped through.

Painted girls who are proper ladies in the day drink like men, polishing off pints like they are going out of style. The boys walk around the dance floor posing with bottles of the European equivalent to Smirnoff Ices, sporting haircuts that are more expensive than mine. And I can't help but look around and wonder "When did I take the Merseyrail into Wonderland?". I can't see because there is so much smoke and so many strobes I feel slightly epileptic and paranoid because amazingly, even in a sweaty thrall, I feel alone. But even though it's quite different and frightening, it's the best fun.

The University almost seems to encourage students to go out and party, especially during freshers' week, and to this American this is the strangest most foreign thing imaginable. But then again, the attitudes here are different. They seem to understand how to balance nights of partying with studying and writing papers in a way I have never seen before. The older generation looks not on the younger with contempt about the chaos they cause. They do not look at them as if they are anything but young people. Here the adults seem to understand that this is what goes on when one is young, and they seem to never have forgotten that they too were young once and stayed up until four pressed up in a tiny pub full of sweaty people with nine o'clock lectures in the morning.

Other things I learned my first two weeks in England:
Boys expect the first move, which is a. utter crap in my opinion and b. surprisingly accepted by many of the girls.
The student union has a bar, which to be true is common enough in America, but how often does a person in the states see students drinking pints (and in rare cases vodka and Sprite) at noon in between classes?
You have to really try to get arrested by the cops. If the cops "break up" a party they essentially just tell you to keep it down. No scatter drill required. Things that will get you arrested: punching a cop.
A quick way to a man's heart is by telling him you drink Heineken. Or by downing a pint. Or making fun of him. Whichever comes first.
Boys do, indeed dance.

"Even the horses are smiling"

I have officially been in England for six days. I have no idea where to begin. Oh, yes I do: I love it here. Ormskirk is possibly the cutest town I have ever seen in my life. There are little shops and boutiques on cobble stone streets, and tons and tons of British people. (Quite possibly my favorite part).

Since I have been here my friends and I have been to Conwy Castle, in Wales, and Liverpool. Even though those places were incredible, I can't help but love Ormskirk more. On our first trip to Liverpool, on the way back in the train, the conductor came on the speakers to announce our final approach to Liverpool. My friends and I sat there and listened to this:
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Our last stop is Ormskirk where this train terminates. As we enter Ormskirk you will notice that it is not like Liverpool. The air is cleaner, the grass is greener. Everyone is smiling. Even the horses are smiling. You will be getting off in a few short minutes, and I will be making my way back to Liverpool, unfortunately. I would rather not go back, but I have to. So sit back and relax as we enter Ormskirk.
But do us a favor lads before you leave the train: take your girls with you. You don't want to forget them on the train. They'll be quite upset with you, and no one wants that. If you don't take your girls with you they won't continue to put up with you. If you leave 'em we won't know what to do with 'em. So fellas remember to take your girlfriend or wife back with you, we can't have them here. Cuz if you leave her, who's gonna cook your supper?"

It's this kind of humor and good natured quality that I am loving about Ormskirk and England in general.